she gun dun it again

I really wish hugging stuffed animals gave the same comfort as they did in childhood. Embracing a living, breathing being is so much better. And that’s exactly what I needed this morning. I just wanted a hug from my boyfriend. But he moved fourteen hours away and actually, I’m pretty sure the response he would have given me is “Maaan, that’s the poops”. I know. I know it is the poops. That’s why I was crying as I parked my car into my drive away, and sulked my way up the stairs.  I’m not sure how I continue to make so many mistakes involving simple task like; WHAT TIME YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO MEET A GROUP SOMEWHERE TO GO FOR A REALLY COOL HIKE ON A MOUNTAIN (or checking your review mirror, haha).  So that’s what had me so upset this morning. I finally decided to join the psychology club this year and was ECSTATIC to go on this hike and really put myself out there.  Well, EVEN THOUGH I KNEW BEFORE HAND, I still mixed up the group meeting time with the time the hike started and even my attempts to meet them at the mountain failed because I forgot the pills that I needed to take at home. Not at all, how I envisioned my Saturday to be. Thank my lucky stars that Cassandra was up to give me the same little pep talk I tried to tell myself as I sobbed in my room. Sometimes you just need some one else to reiterate and validate the advice you give yourself.

My room needs cleaning and in my ‘positivity’ I decided I might as well turn a bad situation into something useful. BAM. Hit again by my carelessness. The bottom of my hilarious DAD mug from Value Village (It says: DAD. THE MAN. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND…it’s funny, Okay?) was spotted with mold…from the last time I drank coffee…a week or two ago. Gross. Come on now. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. Next thing I know, I’m stepping in BLUE PAINT. Oh good job, you left a paint tube on the ground and now there is blue stains all over the tassels of this large, expensive Indonesian rug in your room. What parent in there right mind would ever put a large expensive rug in their child’s room, and how have I not destroyed yet in my twenty two years?

So now begins the cleaning because my mom is not like me and cares about things like, if there is blue stain all over a rug. The cleaning quickly becomes(became??) me bent in half, carefully dragging, each, individual tassel between my nail and the tip of my thumb. Every time, leaving a little blue blob of paint on my skin.  How much paint can be on a single tassel???
Apparently, a lot.  As I’m scrapping away the paint and feeling like I’m really not getting anywhere I begin thinking about sharing with my boyfriend the events of my day. Sharing feelings is suppose to be good, right? Now, he is not one for complaining or pessemism, so I figure he probably wouldn’t enjoy the story too much and my train of thought turns to “Do I really want to remember these parts of my day anyway?” I mean it’s still early, and I have time to turn my day around (but I’m still gunna be really, really, disappointed about my blunder this morning). I want to end my day, reflecting and taking away some good stuff. I should accomplish something at the very least.

So, instead of beating myself up and making underhanded comments about myself all day long. Which, I am very good at doing by the way. Can a fault be a talent? (Yes.) I’m going to try my espestice to do something I’m proud of today. I can start by finishing cleaning my room, which I stopped to write this all down.

I might also just double check all up coming events, test dates,  and homework assignments too. Maybe this can truly be the beginning of me being more organized. ( I can hope)

p.s. Thanks if you actually read this whole post about what an idiot I can be and hopefully somehow took something good away from it.

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